


Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

by Spillingvelvet



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-08
Updated: 2010-01-08
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:53:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spillingvelvet/pseuds/Spillingvelvet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Orlando and Elijah have very raunchy sex with an object.  <a href="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v11/spillingvelvet/300.jpg">The bottle in question.</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of kinky PWP, with lots and lots of sex and obscene language. Lots.
> 
> Beta by the abominable [**abundantlyqueer**](http://archiveofourown.org/users/abundantlyqueer/pseuds/abundantlyqueer)

If you asked them, they'd each say the other started it.

True, Elijah was the one who pushed Orlando against the door and ripped his shirt off, but Orlando was asking for it. Really.

"God, you're such a fucking _tease_," Elijah grumbles through a mouthful of Orlando's nipple.

"Nnng yeah," Orlando groans, hands clenched in Elijah's hair, "fuck fuck fuck," he curses loudly as Elijah bites a sharp trail across his chest.

"Lube," Elijah pants, tearing the fly of Orlando's jeans open and shoving them down his legs hastily.

"You just get right to the point, doncha?" Orli grins and they tumble to the hallway floor in a messy tangle of knees and elbows.

"Heh, point," Elijah cackles and shoves his crotch into the bone of Orlando's hip.

"Arse," Orlando laughs and buries his face into the crease of Elijah's neck.

"You said 'arse'," Elijah giggles some more, shivering into a pleased moan while Orlando's teeth part and he sucks roughly on Elijah's neck.

"What are you, twelve?" Orlando raises his head and wrinkles his nose.

"Twelve inches, baby."

"Oh, you _wish_," Orlando rolls sideways off Elijah and kneels up, hands swiftly ridding Elijah of his jeans and pants. Elijah lies on the floor, grinning widely, completely naked from the waist down. Orlando lets his eyes wander down and up again, and his grin matches Elijah's.

Then he drops abruptly and takes the head of Elijah's cock into his mouth.

"Holy ass!" Elijah shouts, bucking his hips up and forcing his cock deeper between Orlando's lips. Orlando pinches Elijah's right butt-cheek in reply, grinning despite his mouthful.

"Don't do that for too long, man," Elijah gasps after a few minutes, sucking huge mouthfuls of air into his lungs, "I'll blow my fucking wad."

Orlando sucks brutally once more and lifts off, dropping fast, wet kisses on both of Elijah's hips.

"Such a lovely, soft spoken young man," he sniggers and kneels upright again, stretching his arms up over his head. He rolls back and peels his trousers down and off, tossing them into the general vicinity of Elijah's bedroom. Sitting upright again he grabs his cock loosely and bites his lip, jerking fast three times.

"Fucker," Elijah grins and props himself on one elbow, his other hand closing around the base of his own cock. "What do you want to do?" he asks quietly, hand pumping slowly.

Orlando's eyes flash and he licks his lips.

"Fuck you," he answers and crawls back over Elijah, catching his mouth with an upward nod of his chin. He pushes his tongue forward slowly, licking across Elijah's bottom lip, drawing wet figure eights.

Elijah mews and drops down onto his back, pushing his fingers into Orlando's dark mess of curls. Orlando bites Elijah's lip and Elijah's groin pulses hotly, a bead of precome building steadily before Elijah's own thumb smears it down his cock.

"Fuck yeah," he grunts when their mouths part, and he licks Orlando's saliva from his bottom lip. "Points if you use something first, man," he laughs recklessly and arches his back, gripping the base of his cock tightly.

"What?" Orlando grins and pauses, sucking his fingers quickly and pushing them between the cheeks of Elijah's arse, "like these?" and he shoves one up into Elijah's hole.

"FUCK fuck fuck FUCK YES," Elijah shouts, spreading his thighs apart wider. "I mean," he stops and shakes his head, mind clearing momentarily, "no, like, gahfuck, something else."

"Kinky hobbit," Orlando mutters, grinding another finger inside with nothing more than the earlier swipe of spit. "Got any carrots?" he snickers and digs in harder.

"No, fuck, Dom's already tried it," Elijah gasps, rolling down on Orlando's probing fingers.

"Eww, to you?" Orlando's lip wrinkles.

"Nah, I did it to him," Elijah grins wickedly and pulls Orlando's face down to his mouth again, thrusting his tongue between Orlando's lips.

They kiss messily for a few minutes before parting and grinning.

"Whatchoo got in your bathroom?" Orlando leans up on an elbow and bites Elijah's neck.

"Mmlube for starters," Elijah sighs.

"Ah, genius," Orlando grins and pulls his hand out and away.

He gets to his feet, pulling Elijah to stand shakily, and then wraps an arm around his waist. He walks them into the bathroom, propping Elijah against the counter and nudging his knees open.

"What're you gonna use?" Elijah asks with a wicked gleam in his eye and hitches himself onto the sink edge. Orlando shrugs and Elijah grabs his hand, guiding it back between his legs. Orlando laughs and gives Elijah's balls a quick press and squeeze before letting them go again and planting his hands high-up on Elijah's thighs. His thumbs dip down close into his groin, nudging the root of Elijah's cock from either side.

"Don't you have any dildos or anything?" Orlando asks and pushes his thumbs together. Elijah shakes his head and bites his lip.

"They're all in LA."

"Plural?" Orlando snickers.

"Yeah, fuck you, I'm a connoisseur."

"Of latex rubber and lubrication. Classy."

Elijah squinches his face up and narrows his eyes and hooks a hand around the back of Orlando's neck, pulling his face down. He bites into Orlando's mouth, sucking his bottom lip hard.

"Also," he mutters, "decent dildos are made of silicone, not latex."

"Thank you, Professor Wood." Orlando grins and his laugh slams sideways when Elijah drags his teeth down the long column of Orlando's throat.

"Fuck, you're rough today," Orlando grunts once Elijah releases him.

Elijah nods happily and hitches his hips.

"So fuck me already, man." There's a quirk to the corner of his mouth.

"Fuck," Orlando stares around the bathroom frantically. There's a promising-looking shampoo bottle, but nothing else of an appropriate size and shape.

"Don't you have a fucking hairbrush or something?"

He leaves Elijah against the sink for a moment and snags the bottle from the side of the bathtub.

"Look at my fucking hair, man." Elijah laughs jerkily, "What the fuck do you think?"

"Good point," Orlando grins and opens a drawer under Elijah, knocking his legs apart again. Inside, there's a mostly empty bottle of KY and a strip of condoms.

"Were you planning this or something?" Orlando reaches in and takes the provisions out.

"Naw," Elijah heels the drawer closed and hooks his ankle around Orlando's naked hip.

Orlando quirks his eyebrow and folds his body forward.

"I don't believe you," he grins against Elijah's neck.

"I was almost maybe a boy scout once," Elijah laughs at the buzzing of Orlando's voice through his skin.

"Yeah," Orli leans back again, his eyebrows rising and falling speculatively, "but you haven't got a decent dildo in the place."

"Hey, man, just rinse that bottle and let's get busy, mmkay?"

Orlando nods mock-seriously and reaches around to the sink, nudging the tap on and passing the bottle under it a few times.

Elijah takes the lobe of Orlando's ear between his lips and sucks hard.

Soap bubbles stop forming eventually on the plastic and Orlando knocks the water flow off again with the butt of the bottle.

"Should we put a condom on it or something?" he asks Elijah with a little laugh-hitch to his voice.

"Yeah, that's all I need, a shampoo lid stuck up there," Elijah grins back.

They laugh together and Orlando tears one off the strip with a little metallic _snick_. It's unrolled easily, and Orlando sets the prepared bottle on the counter next to Elijah's bare bottom, thumbing open the spout of the KY and squeezing a healthy dollop onto his fingers.

Elijah bites his lip, watching Orlando smooth the gel around. The quieted urgency of Elijah's erection starts to swell again in anticipation. Orlando ducks down and drops a heavy, wet kiss onto Elijah's mouth.

"Ready?" he asks between their clinging lips.

"Fuck yeah."

"Good," Orlando whispers and pushes two fingers into Elijah's hole. They drag hotly for a moment, and Elijah lets out a muffled "Nng!" before Orlando gets a better angle and then everything sort of smoothes out and Elijah's breath shifts into frantic.

"Yeah," he grunts, licking his lips when Orlando grinds in another finger and turns them slowly inside. "Fuck yeah."

Orlando huffs out an amused breath and grabs the bottle, lining it up with the base of his fingers, easing it in slowly while he pulls his fingers out. There's a ridge of plastic at the base of the lid, and it catches on the outer ring of muscle when Orlando pushes it further.

"Relax," he breathes and keeps the steady pressure so that when Elijah's arse relaxes he just has to nudge the bottle slightly before the ridge is inside and Elijah's gasping and grunting happily.

"Fuck fuck yeah," Elijah's back arches and his head knocks the mirror behind him with a wet thud of hair and gel and skull meeting glass.

Orlando pushes the bottle further, rotating it in a gentle curve upwards and then down, over and over. Elijah has to wind a hand around the back of Orlando's neck to keep from sliding bonelessly down the mirror.

"How's that?" Orlando grins and twitches the bottle wickedly.

"It's like my ass is on fucking fire, man," Elijah says, shivering and letting loose small, pleased grunts.

"Good fire?" Orlando asks.

"Fuckin' A,"

"Excellent," Orlando smiles wickedly and ducks his head to bite at Elijah's neck. He takes a smooth patch of skin between his teeth and sucks, gently at first, but harder and harder until Elijah is moaning loudly and shuddering.

"Should I thrust it?" Orlando murmurs.

"No, the edge would- Oh shit, hold it right there!" Elijah is frozen in place, perched stiffly on the edge of the counter with one leg wrapped around Orlando's hip, and his hands wound tightly around anything of Orlando he can reach.

Orlando stops twisting the bottle and keeps it positioned at the slight angle, twitching it up and down ever so slightly.

All Elijah can do is shake.

Orlando brings his other hand down to nudge his knuckles up and behind Elijah's balls, grinding in a persistent circle.

"Oh fuck me," Elijah grunts, hands tightening brutally around Orlando's upper arms.

Orlando grins and bites into Elijah's mouth, licking Elijah's upper lip between his teeth and rocking his jaw from side to side. He lets the flesh drag from his mouth and then kisses it gently.

"Oh, oh fuck, FUCK!" Elijah cries out and comes unexpectedly, thick gouts of semen dribbling down his cock and over Orlando's wrist, splattering on the floor.

He slumps completely against the mirror in a boneless, grinning sprawl.

"Cor, that was like, six inches!" Orlando laughs, reaching for a towel that's hanging over the shower-curtain rail to wipe off his fingers and wrist. He looks over at Elijah, eyes passing between the bottle still inside and the completely debauched expression on Elijah's satisfied face. "You're so fucking hot, man," he breathes and leans in for another long kiss.

"We definitely need to do that again sometime, holy crap," Elijah shivers when they part and he wiggles his hips, jerking sharply when the bottle pushes into the sensitive wall of his gut.

"Okay," Orlando grins and takes a hold of the bottom of the bottle, easing it out slowly. Elijah curses under his breath and stands carefully, not trusting his legs. Orlando growls a bit under his breath and drops the bottle and pushes his hands around Elijah's hips. He digs his fingers into the flesh of Elijah's bare behind, pulling them together sharply and just grinding into the soft-hot V of Elijah's wide-spread thighs.

"Yeah," Elijah says, "we're definitely working on boner number two,"

"Fuckin' A," Orlando mimics, "Can I fuck you now?"

"Yeah," Elijah laughs, "how should we -"

"Hands and knees," Orlando blurts and tears another condom from the strip with his teeth.

Elijah's laugh dies in his throat and he stares at Orlando's flushed face and his Mohawk pointing at odd directions with strands plastered to his shorn skull. His gaze sweeps down Orlando's body, stopping momentarily at Orlando's nipples and stomach before taking in Orlando rolling the condom on his impressive erection.

"Fuck."

Orlando looks up and cocks his head, a puzzled smile on his lips. Elijah just surges forward again and seals their mouths together, biting and licking and sucking Orlando's tongue.

"Mmfuck," Orlando mutters, his lips caught between Elijah's teeth. He pulls Elijah to him and stands him up, hunching over to keep the connection and starts to lower Elijah down to the floor beneath him.

Elijah hiss-giggles when his bare buttocks touch the cold tile, and he scrambles around onto his stomach, pushing up onto his palms and spreading his knees apart wide. He arches his back down and presents his arse-hole to Orlando.

"Fuck me," he breathes.

Orlando groans deep in his chest and fumbles for the lube on the counter-top. He squirts out a huge glob and hastily smears it on his latex-covered cock.

"Ready?" he asks breathlessly, nudging his cock up against Elijah's arse-hole, preparing to shove forward.

"No, cunt, I'm just begging you for it."

"Just for that, I'm gonna wait." Orlando wraps his hand around his shaft and slowly drags the blunt head in a circle around the outside of Elijah's hole.

"No, no, fucker! C'mon!" Elijah starts to wriggle helplessly, pushing his arse backwards and dropping his forehead down to the floor.

"You sure?" Orlando's voice is a mockery of concern and patience.

"Yes, ass-hole, fuck me!"

"Well, if you're absolutely certain," Orlando completes the circle and eases his cock-head inside Elijah's body. He waits for a second, head swimming with the insane pressure, and he groans out a breath with the slide forward, Elijah's flesh parting and rippling around him.

"Ohhhhh, fuck me," he murmurs, stopping once he's completely inside and panting.

"My line," Elijah's strained voice is muffled by his forehead pressed to the floor.

"Shut up," Orlando whines, pulling out just as slowly as he slid in.

There's a heart-stopping moment when Elijah clenches his arse tightly and pushes back before Orlando can stop him, and Orlando cries out. His fingers leave red marks on Elijah's hips.

"You're going to kill us both," he gasps and pushes forward liquidly.

"Well, if we have to die, I'd rather go out like this than a crazy explosion or -" he pauses to moan and take a deep breath, "dismemberment or crazy disease."

"Shut up!" Orlando is becoming frantic. He knocks Elijah's knees further apart until he's more or less spread-eagle on the bathroom floor.

"The radiator's getting dusty," Elijah remarks.

"Do you want me to pull out and go wank in the fucking corner?" But it's clearly an empty threat; Orlando slides his hands under Elijah's chest and folds down onto his elbows, rocking as hard as he can into Elijah's arse.

"Harder," Elijah pants. Orlando thrusts hard enough to shift them forward an inch. Skin squeaks on the tiled floor and Elijah lets out a high-pitched whine.

"Bath mat," he gasps, trying to rock up against Orlando's thrusts.

"What?" Orlando asks, confused.

"Give me the fucking bath mat," Elijah grinds out, pushing up onto his elbows. Orlando grapples wildly at the side of the tub and snags the terry-cloth mat down.

"Here, loony," he says and gets back down to business. Elijah fumbles the cloth under his hips and then settles back down with a groan of pleasure.

"Now we're cookin'," he moans and Orlando shakes his head.

"Thought we were fucking," he laughs and finds the perfect rhythm, making them both shudder out moans.

"That too."

They get quiet for a few minutes. The only sounds in the bathroom are the slapping of skin onto skin and the high squelch of Orlando's cock pushing into Elijah's hole.

"Fuck," Elijah gasps.

"Yeah?" Orlando shakes sweat from his eyes.

"Fuck yeah,"

"Do you need-"

"No, just keep,"

And Elijah shakes and moans and Orlando keeps pumping until they're both getting louder and louder and Elijah freezes, come pushing out of his cock and splattering onto the bath mat and the floor underneath.

"Yeah," Orlando cries and pumps once, three times, stopping with a low, animal groan.

"Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker, that was fucking hot." Elijah's teeth are chattering.

"Shit, yeah," Orlando laughs, a wide grin splitting his face. He reaches down and holds the condom while he pulls out slowly.

"Do you want to take a shower or something?" he asks, throwing the condom into the wastepaper basket.

"Nah," Elijah drawls, rolling languidly onto his back, "I'll be ready to go again here in a minute."

"You're insane," Orlando grins.

"And horny," Elijah folds his hands up behind his head, the very picture of debauched hell.

"You really are going to kill us,"

"Yeah," Elijah's grin is wicked.


End file.
